Revenge is a dish best served fried with onions.

Ok so I’ve done yard work before but this was something else. I should post pictures to describe more accurately how this whole thing worked; but essentially there was a group of cattle that we had to sort into the different types. One that would be sold or Truckers, ones that would be sold in a different weight category, Fats, ones that would be released back to grow a bit more, Bush, one for Calves one for big females, or Cows and one for the Race which is the chute you send the cattle up to get branded at the end. Each of the different categories has a different holding pen and in the middle of them is a circular chamber about ten or twelve feet in diameter, with a door leading into each one. So someone had to be down in the middle area pushing the cow into a certain door and making sure that they went in the right door. You guessed it, that was my job. And these cattle today were extra big and extra pissed off. The other guys and James the helicopter pilot mustered the cattle yesterday from a paddock where Don keeps all the big ones and the ill trained ones. And the sound of the helicopter in the morning really got them going. They were actually all right in the beginning but they got progressively bigger and more pissed off. I have to say that I’m not actually frightened of chasing the cattle around even in a small pen, if they have room to move away from you they will with nearly no problems, but I have seen how high these bulls can jump and buck and there isn’t really a lot of room in that circular chamber. If they went crazy and I wasn’t able to get up on the fence that would be it for sure. Especially if it had horns. The Fat ones were the worst by far. The bush gate ones were a bit wild but they just went right in and the trucker ones went pretty quietly but of course the big ones had to be the problem children.

Then there was the cleanskin bull. A clean skin is one that has managed to avoid being trapped and branded and this one was not only older but it was a bull. It was three or four years old and had never been in the yards before or delt with a helicopter and now these monkeys were trying to get it into this tiny litte pen, and it was PISSED. It huffed and puffed and kicked sand everywhere, bucked stamped, bent two steel beams of the fence and broke one welding joint. Needless to say I was well up on the fence before Don even opened the gate. I guess we’ll have to deal with him tomorrow somehow. Hee hee nervous laughter.

The ambient fear level I would say was pretty high today. Every time Don let another one or two Fat ones into the pen I could feel myself tense up my stomach and muscles and brace for impact, as if tensing up would do ANYTHING. I would be but a rag doll if they charged. Which many of them did. On most days in the yard the cattle are very well behaved and there are only a few crazy ones that give you the stories to tell. Not today. Today my stories are about the ones that actually DIDN’T kick at me or chase me up the fence. Every so often I would have to stop and think to myself….”This is you’re idea of a f___in vacation?” If I die here at least I have no one else to blame. Although if I’m going to die here at Delmore, I want it to be in style. It has to be in a flaming ute driving off the side of a cliff and crash into the helicopter exploding into a herd of stampeding bulls. Or fighting a bushfire. But as scary as it was Don told me that I should get a medal for not showing my xfear, which I took as a big compliment. But not showing my fear was more out of self-preservation I think than an attempt to impress the others. The cattle are fairly stupid, as far as stupid goes, but sensing the fear of something you are bigger than and angry at does not require much brain power. They know when you are afraid of them and they take that advantage to charge. Also if you let your fear get the better of you, you won’t be paying attention to the hoof that whizzes past your ear. It’s better to just suck it up and keep them moving. But still when you are standing behind a cow whose leg alone is as tall as you are, and you know it can’t see you it is very hard to get your self to reach out and push on its butt. By the way that is actually how you DON’T get kicked. If you are standing behind a cow that doesn’t know you are there and you just start yelling for it to move you will scare it and their first reaction will be to kick. But if you reach out and gently put your hand on their tail or back leg they will know you are just some pesky little monkey that can’t really do them harm anyway and they should just walk away. Also most of how you direct them where to go is through body language rather than making noises at them. In fact as I found today, sometimes making noises at them just scares them more and its better to just stand behind and where they can see you and to keep your arms out so you look bigger. You have to let them know that you are ALLOWING them to go in to the gate and not chasing them through it. Fear is no way to rule.

Haha, and Buster the trusty failure dog showed up halfway through. Buster is the worst cattle dog in the outback. He does go after the cattle, but the only problem is that he always chases them AWAY from where you need them. Also the cattle think that he is a dingo so they get more agitated. We always try to leave him at home but he always wants to follow us., and usually he just turns around and goes home but this time he ran the 5 or 6 kilometers to the Delmore yards. So he spent the rest of the day chained to the ute barking and whining away. He certainly is a very good-looking dog but his looks are only fur deep. And he sheds all the time.

And after a very long day of nearly being kicked in the face by angry cows. I was able to take my anger out on some very well cooked steak at the end of the day. It felt and tasted that much better.

But I think tomorrow we will weigh, brand, tag, castrate and check the teeth of the cattle (to find out their age) then the giant road train will show up and take away one hundred and sixty of the probably 500 cattle in the yards. Then more mustering. Its going to be a long month I think.